| Fart Poems |
Farting can be fun
Be it silent or loud
You can do it on the run
by yourself or in a crowd
Some are very dry
and some are wet Read Joke | |
| Farting at the workplace |
Whether you are in need of releasing the nasties because you were drinking the night before, or you were just enjoying a big lunch Read Joke | |
| New Position |
Darling... says a husband sheepishly to his wife, Let's try a new position tonight.
Good idea! She replies: You stand in front o Read Joke | |
| Snobby Woman |
A very snobby woman is sitting in a restaurant, having just finished her clam chowder. As she leans over to reach into her purse f Read Joke | |
| In Hell |
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from Satan: if they can stump him, they'll be Read Joke | |
| Zippy One-Liners |
What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
A skeleton w Read Joke | |
| Zippy One-Liners |
What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.
A skeleton w Read Joke | |
| Different Species of Fart |
ALZHEIMER FART
Gets lost on the way to your anus, and turns back and comes out your throat (a.k.a. burp)
BEER FARTS
After con Read Joke | |
| Ken |
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in, it’s freezing out here?
Read Joke | |
| Reed |
Who’s there?
Reed.
Reed who?
Reed between the lines.
Read Joke | |
| Wendy |
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Wendy!
Wendy Who?
Wendy the last time you took a bath?
Read Joke | |
| Olivia |
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Olivia.
Olivia who?
Olivia, so get out my house!
Read Joke | |
| Fun Did You Know Facts |
Did You Know, Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Did You Know, The cigarette lighter wa Read Joke | |
| Fun Useless Facts |
The word 'byte' is a contraction of 'by eight.'
The dollar symbol ($) is a U combined with an S (U.S.)
Maine is the toothpic Read Joke | |
| Fun Interesting Facts |
Basketball is a famous American sport invented by a Canadian who was working at a YMCA in the U.S.
The hardness of ice is simil Read Joke | |
| FUN Food FACTS |
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
Reindeer like t Read Joke | |
| FUN WOMAN FACTS |
The reported percent of women who wash their hands after leaving a restroom is 80%.
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by Read Joke | |
| Ficticious Characters |
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. J Read Joke | |
| Why do men break wind more than women? |
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Read Joke | |
| Why do men fart louder than women? |
Because they have a microphone and two speakers. Read Joke | |
| Snake |
Gave my pet snake a viagra tablet today
And Guess what
I now have a walking stick! Read Joke | |
| HOW THE FIRST PUSSY WAS MADE |
six wise men made up a pussy of their own design
the first a carpenter full of wit
with a hammer and chisel he carved a split
Read Joke | |
| If you dont register to vote |
I just saw the advert saying, "If you don't register to vote, you don't exist."
That may be so Gordon. But if I don't exist, th Read Joke | |
| Question and answer |
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by t Read Joke | |
| Dating hints for men |
Dating hints for gentlemen
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
I really do Read Joke | |
| Computers are male |
Reasons computers must be male
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
A better model is always just around the corn Read Joke | |
| Short gender jokes |
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women!
Why don't men eat more M & M's?
They are too hard to peel! Read Joke | |
| A stolen credit card |
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. Read Joke | |
| Discussing finances |
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house would Read Joke | |
| The bum on a street |
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bu Read Joke | |
| Men writing the rules |
If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules"
Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All commen Read Joke | |
| Short gender jokes |
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the f Read Joke | |
| Tell about a haircut |
The story of someone getting a haircut.
Women's version:
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman1: Do you t Read Joke | |
| Christmas tree better |
Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman"
A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had Read Joke | |
| The guide for women |
A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I'M HUNGRY.
I'm hungry.
I'M SLEEPY.
I'm sleepy.
I'M TIRED.
I'm tire Read Joke | |
| The guide to women |
A MAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRE Read Joke | |
| Short gender jokes |
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to Read Joke | |
| Computers are female |
The top six reasons computers must be female:
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No on Read Joke | |
| It's great to be a guy |
Reasons why it's great to be a guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five Read Joke | |
| His and her road trips |
HIS and HERS Road Trip
HERS:
Pulls off at wrong exit.
opens window
asks directions of a knowledgeable police offic Read Joke | |
| Translations for men |
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...
"IT'S Read Joke | |
| Modems beat women |
Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:
A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey yo Read Joke | |
| Great to be a woman |
Reason's why it's great to be a woman
Free drinks.
Free dinners.
Free movies.
Speeding ticket? What's that?
Ne Read Joke | |
| Women's instructions |
WOMEN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK
Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Reme Read Joke | |
| Seminars for a woman |
SEMINARS FOR WOMEN
In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for f Read Joke | |
| An Airliner |
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you h Read Joke | |
| 2 Programmers on a Highway |
Two computer programmers are driving on a Highway. They switch on the radio and there is a warning: Please note that a car is driv Read Joke | |
| Super Computer Physician |
A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailmen Read Joke | |
| Worried about my son |
A woman goes to see the doctor. "Doctor, doctor, I'm very worried about my son," she said. "All he does is play football all day; Read Joke | |
| Where did you get that football |
Two boys were playing with a new football in the road outside their house.
"Hey,"' shouted their mother, "where did you get t Read Joke | |
| When is our anniversary |
Maureen had had enough of Tim's obsession. "Football, football, football!" she moaned, "that's all you ever talk about. It's your Read Joke | |
| What are they doing |
A football widow decided to take an interest in the game in order to share her husband's pastime. One Saturday afternoon she accom Read Joke | |
| Value of a season ticket |
A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said to her husband,
'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man w Read Joke | |
| Taking the daughter to a match |
A father took his daughter to watch her first football match, it was rather dull, and the little girl spoke up, "Do United ever sc Read Joke | |
| She'll let you do anything |
Ron and Terry were chatting about football in the pub after work.
"Are you going to the Arsenal v Spurs match on Saturday?" ask Read Joke | |
| She'll leave me |
'My wife told me last week that she'd leave me if I didn't stop spending so much time at football matches.'
'What a shame!'
Read Joke | |
| Pass the ball |
Sally and her husband Jack were watching a football match on TV Jack got very excited and shouted, "Pass the ball. Pass the ball. Read Joke | |
| My wife should be a goalie |
"My wife would make a great goalie," one man said to his friend.
"I haven't scored for months." Read Joke | |
| Miss World kicks off |
The reigning Miss World - from Brazil - was invited to start The charity football match by performing the ceremonial kick-off.
Read Joke | |
| Losing form |
A well-known footballer who was just about to get hitched was holding forth in the local pub.
'It's generally thought,' he said Read Joke | |
| How to annoy during TV football |
1) Take the batteries out of all of the remote controls
2) Show a sudden interest in every aspect of the game, especially have Read Joke | |
| He's getting married |
A Sunday league team were in the dressing room, one player short.
"Where's Bill?" asked the full back to the captain.
"Oh, I Read Joke | |
| All you think about is football |
Wife: 'Football, football, football! That's all you ever think about! If you said you were going to stay at home one Saturday afte Read Joke | |
| The wisdom of the soccer player |
"My parents have been there for me. Ever since I was about seven.' DAVID BECKHAM
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game Read Joke | |
| THE BURST PIPE |
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things Read Joke | |
| THE DEAF WIFE |
A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can Read Joke | |
| 911 EMERGENCY NUMBER |
Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, havi Read Joke | |
| PHYSICAL EXAMINATION |
A young man goes to a doctor for a physical examination. When he gets into the room, the man strips for his exam. He has a dick th Read Joke | |
| THE PENSIONERS |
An old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex. Read Joke | |
| LIFE IN THE OLD DOG YET |
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted Read Joke | |
| TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IN SURGERY |
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the m Read Joke | |
| THE OLD FAMILY PHYSICIAN |
The old family physician being away on vacation, entrusted his practice to his son - a recent medical student. When the old man re Read Joke | |
| AFTER EFFECTS |
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
Read Joke | |
| THE DIAGNOSIS |
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes ou Read Joke | |
| UNETHICAL DUTIES |
A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty Read Joke | |
| AN OLD COUPLE AT THE DOCTORS |
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old ma Read Joke | |
| BIRTH CONTROL PILLS |
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth Read Joke | |
| IN THE WAITING ROOM |
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man Read Joke | |
| WILL IT HURT MUCH, DOCTOR? |
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any ques Read Joke | |
| If Bill Gates Marries Madhuri Dixit |
If Bill Gates marries Madhuri Dixit;
these could be the caption in Newspapers:
Bill goes Dhak-Dhak!
English Babu Desi Mem. Read Joke | |
| Amitabh - The driver |
This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long ilness.....
one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum cha Read Joke | |
| New Bollywood movies: "Deaths @ 12am" |
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 12a. Read Joke | |
| Guru Dutt as a Software Consultant |
Yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya
Yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
Yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management Read Joke | |
| Kaun Benega Karodpathi Auditions |
Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati is expired, here are a few persons who could audition for the show.
Read Joke | |
| Bollywood personalities answering machines |
AJIT's voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe white LION ke naamse janti hai,
jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat se bahut dur ja chuk Read Joke | |
| Kesto Mukherjee and the cop |
Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was wea Read Joke | |
| Bollywood's original stories |
Two friends play cops and robbers as kids, and while one grows up to be a honest and upright cop, the other also grows up to be a Read Joke | |
| Why "Bombay" should be banned in Bombay!! |
10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, Read Joke | |
| Bollywood's copy-righted dialogues |
Here are the best of the rest...
- Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain
- lo...muh meetha kar lo
- mein yeh shaadi nahin hone doong Read Joke | |
| A Proud Indian! |
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Ame Read Joke | |
| Gandhi Ki Dhoti |
There was just one cinema Theatre in the Village. The village people, though
backward were very patriotic. In fact as a Cinema s Read Joke | |
| 3 People drinking |
A Pakistani was sitting with an Indian and Malaysianin in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a
sudden S Read Joke | |
| Indian Fighter Jet |
When the Indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from Russia to explain the Ind Read Joke | |
| 3 Indian Soldiers |
Three Indian soldiers, Jai Reddy (Tamil), Joy Bosu (Bengali), and Santa
Singh are captured by Pakistani Army. The Pakistani Corp Read Joke | |
| Indian Divorce |
A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody
of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped t Read Joke | |
| Indian Father |
One day two friends are bragging.
1st friend: My father has great eyes sight like eagle, he is very
clever as fox, very brave l Read Joke | |
| Sai |
Once it so happened in a flight that, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy Both were traveling to US.
Telugu Guy: Hello Ma Read Joke | |
| Fly |
Once a girl was drinking coke. She suddenly discovered a fly in her drink
and took it out from the coke.
The fly gave birth to Read Joke | |
| Lion vs Mouse |
A lion held a huge party at his place ,He invited only his fellow lions.The
lions were dancing when a mouse also came a joined i Read Joke | |
| Litte Timmy and His Dad |
One day Little Timmy caught his mom and dad having sex.
Little Timmy asks his dad "Can I join you?"
His dad asks "Can your dick Read Joke | |
| Little Johnny |
Little Johnny is at school one day when his friend comes up and asks him what a penis is. He says"I don't know but I will go home Read Joke | |
| The Lord's Prayer |
A mother had been teaching her three-year daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat Read Joke | |
| A Jew and a Christian |
A Jew and a Christian were arguing about the ways of their religion.
The Jewish man said, "You people have been taking things f Read Joke | |
| Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created |
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew t Read Joke | |
| A Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist |
There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He Read Joke | |
| No meat on Friday |
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the nei Read Joke | |
| Kids on the Old and New Testaments |
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retou Read Joke | |
| Do You Pray Before Eating? |
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," Little Johnny replie Read Joke | |
| Bumper Stickers |
I don't question your existence - GOD
Next time you think you're perfect...
...try walking on water
Lord help me to be the Read Joke | |
| The Confession Session |
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears se Read Joke | |
| The Cowboy and the Preacher |
One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher ask Read Joke | |
| Long Hair |
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. Read Joke | |
| He who is without sin |
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman Read Joke | |
| Heavenly Voice Mail |
Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like Read Joke | |
| Where is God? |
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their par Read Joke | |
| A kindergartner was practicing spelling |
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly display Read Joke | |
| An Atheist |
A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her Read Joke | |
| New Thermometer |
One of the coaching staff came home early from a practice session to find the team doctor in bed with his wife. 'What the hell do Read Joke | |
| A polish guy wins a brand new sports car ... |
A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks.
One day the rednec Read Joke | |
| She is new to American Football |
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
"I liked it, but I couldn' Read Joke | |
| Last night |
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. Read Joke | |
| Dog |
What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come. Read Joke | |
| Men |
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. Read Joke | |
| Humiliate men |
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.' Read Joke | |
| Life |
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. Read Joke | |
| When I Die |
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car Read Joke | |
| Average Woman |
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think Read Joke | |
| Fine wine |
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. Read Joke | |
| Keep your Health |
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
- Mar Read Joke | |
| Woman |
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
- Melanie Griffith Read Joke | |
| Life |
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Read Joke | |
| Time |
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
- Louis Hector Berlioz Read Joke | |
| Dont Know |
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until Read Joke | |
| Go Wrong |
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
- Robert Bloch Read Joke | |
| A driving application |
Redneck Driver's Application
Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.
Last name: ________________
First name:
[_] Billy-Bob Read Joke | |
| Little |
Man walks into the doctors turns to the doctor and says:
"I can't stand being 3 feet tall any longer!!!!"
Doctor replies, "Wel Read Joke | |
| 3 Services |
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: Read Joke | |
| Black or White |
A black man is talking to a blond white woman.
"If we ever have kids, what will they look like?"
The blond white women says, Read Joke | |
| Mistake |
A guy was standing in a bar when a stranger walks in.
After a while they get to talking and at about 10:30 PM the second guy say Read Joke | |
| Does God Exist? |
One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and a Read Joke | |
| Two |
Why do guys think more than girls, and why do girls talk more then guys?
Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets o Read Joke | |
| Double for Wife |
A man finds a genie lamp.
He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says "I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double." Read Joke | |
| Tiger |
Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? Read Joke | |
| Pair of glasses |
A pair of glasses walks into to a pub
He asked the bar man for a drink.
and the bar man replies.
I am not serving you ,your Read Joke | |
| A Fisherman's Tale |
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.
He Read Joke | |
| 10 things in golf that sound dirty |
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. Read Joke | |
| DURING A MESSY DIVORCE |
A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child. Read Joke | |
| KEEPING MYSELF PURE |
This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
Read Joke | |
| A MAN MEETS A GENIE |
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.
The man th Read Joke | |
| HOLDING THE BABY |
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed he Read Joke | |
| At The Sperm Bank |
A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This is Read Joke | |
| It's Where You Set Your Standards |
It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out.
The f Read Joke | |
| Extra Large Condoms |
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you l Read Joke | |
| Another Failed Attempt |
This couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny orga Read Joke | |
| At The Counsellor's Office |
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She respon Read Joke | |
| An Excellent Costume Party Idea |
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the h Read Joke | |
| The difference between men talking and women talking.. |
TWO WOMEN TALKING:
==================================
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think s Read Joke | |
| Wife's photo |
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossibl Read Joke | |
| Late for garbage |
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" Read Joke | |
| WHAT A DREAM |
Wife: I dreamed you gave me $100 for summer clothes last night. You wouldnt spoil that dream, would you, Dear? Husband: Of course Read Joke | |
| Calling with pet names |
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by cal Read Joke | |
| Fathers intelligence |
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied, "Well son, Read Joke | |
| Control over their wife |
There were three guys talking in the pub.
Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, whil Read Joke | |
| Latter from husband ( who is abroad) to wife |
Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband Read Joke | |
| You can't take it with you |
Trying to disprove the saying "You can't take it with you," a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figure Read Joke | |
| Adam gives adam a companion |
God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said, "I've got nobody to talk to."
God said that He was going to make Adam a co Read Joke | |
| Men that dominated their women |
When the end of the world came, everybody on earth went to heaven. God said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the m Read Joke | |
| Old man and the wizard |
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard say Read Joke | |
| Making fried eggs |
A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful... Careful!!! Read Joke | |
| Three Men |
There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So t Read Joke | |
| The Bike |
A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"
"Oh i had sex with my teacher," h Read Joke | |
| Represent Christmas |
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering t Read Joke | |
| What should they say? |
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and Read Joke | |
| Sue over the property |
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one d Read Joke | |
| Make a Blonde Laugh |
How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday! Read Joke | |
| Blondes walk into a bar! |
2 blondes walk into a bar you'd have thought one of them would have noticed!!! Read Joke | |
| Blondes and UFOs? |
Q : What do intelegent blondes and UFO's have in common
A : We have heard about them both but no one has seen one Read Joke | |
| A Blonde At The Doctors |
A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, " Read Joke | |
| Dust mites |
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Read Joke | |
| Lipstick |
Most lipstick is partailly made of fish scales Read Joke | |
| Mosquitoes |
Mosquitoes have 47 teeth. Read Joke | |
| Novel |
Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "E". Read Joke | |
| Lung |
Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does. Read Joke | |
| Goldfish |
A goldfish has a memory span of about 3 seconds. Read Joke | |
| Singapore |
Singapore has only one train station. Read Joke | |
| Month |
No word in the the English dictionary rhymes with "MONTH". Read Joke | |
| Mice |
In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. Read Joke | |
| Car |
A car traveling 100 mph would take more than 29 million years to reach the nearest star Read Joke | |
| Cockroaches |
Cockroaches can live for 9 days after their head has been cut off Read Joke | |
| Ice |
The hardness of ice is similar to that of concrete. Read Joke | |
| Winning Run |
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immed Read Joke | |
| Cheating Golfer |
"Charlie, why don't you play golf with Ted any more?" Charlie's wife asked.
"Would you play golf with a chap who moved the ball w Read Joke | |
| Zoom whilst browsing the Internet |
- Hold CTRL & scroll on the mouse
- Hold CTRL & press + or -
Read Joke | |
| THE HEALTH CLUB MEETING |
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give Read Joke | |
| A NEW SPORT? |
First man: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.
Second man: Well, that's nice. It shows that she has your Read Joke | |
| WHEN YOU SHOULD NEVER FART: |
1. Inside a crowded Lift.
2. Inside a public library.
3. On a crowded train.
4. Whilst giving a speech.
5. In Church.
6. Whil Read Joke | |
| Why do farts stink? |
So that deaf people can enjoy them also! Read Joke | |
| Guy watching Telly |
A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tommorrow.
But not just gassy airish farts, I'm talking mega greasy we Read Joke | |
| Japanese vs American |
2 Blokes (Japanese and American) are playing golf. The Japanese guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his Read Joke | |
| Blame The Dog |
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He Read Joke | |
| Trouble at the Nudist Colony |
John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.
While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediat Read Joke | |
| A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock |
A Mexican, an American, and a Pollock are all in an airplane Flying over Mexico.
The Mexican drops a pear on his country.
Read Joke | |
| Johnny Farts |
The teacher walks into the room and says... "OK class todays word is DEFINITLY, can anyone use the word in a sentence."
Little Read Joke | |
| YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when |
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good ca Read Joke | |
| Punk 'n' Parrot |
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that Read Joke | |
| Redneck 911 Call |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| Use Your Pituitary |
Do you know how to make a hormone? Easy! Don't pay her! Read Joke | |
| Occupy This |
A man's occupation is to stick his cockulation in a woman's ventilation to increase the population of the younger generation. I g Read Joke | |
| Virgin Trucker |
A trucker was driving down the road when he saw two men standing there trying to hitch a ride. They looked okay and the trucker wa Read Joke | |
| Chillin' Biddies |
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady h Read Joke | |
| Grandpa Gets Off |
A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with hi Read Joke | |
| Condom |
Why are women like condoms?
A: Because they're in your wallet a lot more than they're on your d**k! Read Joke | |
| Hitler |
Hitler and his friend walk into a bar, and he says, "Today I shall kill 7 million jews and 10 musicions" and a guy said "why 10 mu Read Joke | |
| Sperm |
One sperm says to another sperm, "I'm really getting tired, how far is it to the uterus?" The second sperm says, "hell man we're n Read Joke | |
| Q: Why do blonds wear panties? |
A: To keep their ankles warm! Read Joke | |
| Q: What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? |
A: A pimple doesn't come on your face till your 15. Read Joke | |
| How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house |
When the big hand touches the little hand. Read Joke | |
| Locked in |
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the cle Read Joke | |
| Woman rushes to see doc |
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. Read Joke | |
| Blonde Mother |
There are three moms. .
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my go Read Joke | |
| Skeleton |
Why did the skeleton hate parties? .....................Because he had nobody to go with! Read Joke | |
| Lost DAD |
A small boy is lost so he goes up to a policeman and says "I can't find my dad."
"What's he like?" the policeman enquires. "Bee Read Joke | |
| Fish |
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
DAM! Read Joke | |
| What does a Priest say to a red nose? |
Bless You. Read Joke | |
| Batman |
Batman walked into the office the other day and hit me over the head with a vase, as he did it he said "TA POW!" I said, "don't yo Read Joke | |
| Annoying Orange 6: Super Bowl Football |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| Annoying Orange 5: More Annoying Orange |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| The Annoying Orange 4: Sandy Claus |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| The Annoying Orange 3: TOE-MAY-TOE |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| The Annoying Orange 2: Plumpkin |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| The Annoying Orange |
 Watch Funny Video | |
| Why do my eyes water when I yawn? |
There are two possible explanations:
1- During a yawn, there is a slight increase in pressure inside the skull (likely caused b Read Joke | |
| Whats the difference between a blonde and butter? |
Butter is difficult to spread. Read Joke | |
| toilet paper |
Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.
Whats dumber than that? reading them.
Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning s Read Joke | |
| Generous lawyer |
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The Read Joke | |
| Cannibals |
2 cannibals were having lunch. your wife makes great soups said 1 to the other. yes agreed the first, but i am going to miss her t Read Joke | |
| CRAP! |
A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Hello, I would like to be castrated."
"That's a lifechanging operation," says the doctor. Read Joke | |
| odd |
this blonde woman goes down south and has a baby and the docter ask what are you naming the baby,she said odd and the docter says Read Joke | |
| Please Pass The Mayo |
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, an Read Joke | |
| White With Black Stripes? |
Once there were two zebras. One zebra asked the other:
"Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
The other Read Joke | |
| Yo Mama’s So Poor |
Yo’ mama so poor, she can’t even pay attention! Read Joke | |
| Ice Hole |
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once th Read Joke | |
| What are the pictures? |
A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.
When he came Read Joke | |
| What do you want to be when you grow up? |
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A doctor?”
“And why’s that?”
“Because it’s the only profess Read Joke | |
| Two In One Grave? |
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to Read Joke | |
| Lawyer and the Devil |
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a p Read Joke | |
| Her Age |
Harold’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before Read Joke | |
| AIDS Or Alzheimer's? |
The doctor says to a man “I’m sorry, sir, but the test results have come back a tad inconclusive. Your wife could have either Read Joke | |
| Choosing a Mate |
When Choosing A Mate, Compare These Other Professionals To Computer Programmers
DOCTORS
Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor Read Joke | |
| Vegas Coke Machine |
A blonde in Las Vegas goes up to the Coke machine, puts in a dollar, and gets a Coke.
She puts in another dollar and gets anoth Read Joke | |
| Classic Bar One Liners |
Jesus Christ walks into a bar. He hands the bartender three nails, and asks “Can you put me up for the night?”
Two peanuts Read Joke | |
| Trucker Hits a Pig |
A trucker is driving down the highway when he hears a loud thump under his semi. He stops to check the damage, then calls his boss Read Joke | |
| Pretty Bad News |
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
P Read Joke | |
| A Prayer Before Dying |
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Read Joke | |
| Billing |
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailmen Read Joke | |
| Why it's better to be a Woman! |
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us w Read Joke | |
| Dear Employees |
So I'm at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I'm thinking "Oh crap, Read Joke | |
| The Economy Is So Bad That... |
I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Parents in Bevery Hills are conside Read Joke | |
| Tiger Woods Jokes |
When asked by the police how many times she hit Tiger, Elin replied "I'm not sure, put me down for a 5"
I think Tiger needs a n Read Joke | |
| How to stick it to adults |
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to Read Joke | |
| So Poor |
Yo mamma's so poor, she
can't afford to go on welfare.
Yo mamma's
so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless
shelter Read Joke | |
| So Old |
Yo mamma's so old, she farts
dust.
Yo mamma's so old, she ows Jesus
$3.
Yo mamma's so old, when God said,
"Let t Read Joke | |
| So Fat |
Yo mamma's so fat, when
she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell,
"Hey, Kool-Aid!"
Yo mamma's so fat, w Read Joke | |
| So Cross Eyed |
Yo mamma's cross-eyed,
she threw a rock at the ground and missed! Read Joke | |
| Mama so
stupid! |
Your Mama is so stupid, she sits on the Television
and watches the sofa. Read Joke | |
| Let there be light! |
Your mamma is so fat,
when God said let there be light,she had to move! Read Joke | |
| Knock
knock 2 |
knock knock: Whos there?
JO.
JO
who.
JO momma.
Read Joke | |
| Kicking cans |
your momma's so poor
when she was kicking a can on a street someone asked her
what she was doing she responded" I'm moving Read Joke | |
| Haunted
house |
Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted
house and came out with an application. Read Joke | |
| Fat Feet |
Yo Mamma's so fat, a friend showed her a picture of her
feet.
She didn't recognize them. Read Joke | |
| Eyelids |
Your Momma's so fat, when she blinks, her eyelids clap! Read Joke | |
| Difference
between titanic and yo mamma |
Do you know what the
difference between yo momma and the titanic?
The titanic sunk, yo momma floats. Read Joke | |
| Around
The House |
Yo mamma's so fat, when she sits around the
house, she really sits A-R-O-U-N-D the house. Read Joke | |
| 90210 |
Yo
mamma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the
bathroom scale. Read Joke | |
| Yo mama
so fat, the whales sing |
Yo mamma's so fat, when she
went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!" Read Joke | |
| A Fisherman's Tale |
Two fellas are
fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One looks
up and sees a funeral procession starting across the
bri Read Joke | |
| 10 things in golf that sound dirty |
1.
Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang,
my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the
hell out of that s Read Joke | |
| 10 Reasons Not To Jog |
1. My
grandmother started walking five miles a day when she
was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck
she is Read Joke | |
| Number
One Sport |
A woman, while touring a small South
American country was shown a bullfight.
The
guide told her, "This is our number on Read Joke | |
| New Bowling Rules |
Supplemental
Rules for Bowling
If you holler "overs!"
before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball
Read Joke | |
| Biblical
Bumper Stickers |
Adam: "You are what you
eat."
Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me
to his mother."
Abraham: "I'm goin' not
knowi Read Joke | |
| celebRate! |
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by
the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is
told t Read Joke | |
| Chapter Eleven |
Two old friends met one
day after many years. One attended college, and now was
very successful. The other had not attende Read Joke | |
| Vow of Silence |
At a remote
monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid
vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a y Read Joke | |
| The Taxi Driver |
A priest and a taxi driver
both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly
gates waiting for them.
'Come with Read Joke | |
| The Old Monk |
A new monk arrives
at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks
in copying the old texts by hand.
He notice Read Joke | |
| When I was Young |
When I was
young I used to pray for a bicycle.
Then I
realized that God doesn't work that way.
So I
stole a bicy Read Joke | |
| Really Good Deed |
This guy arrives at
the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St.
Pete leafs through his Big Book.
He's
Read Joke | |
| Seventeenth Chapter |
A Sunday school
teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next
week.
"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going
Read Joke | |
| Meeting the Pope |
A rich American
tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing
the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with Read Joke | |
| You know you are in a Texas church
when |
People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the
ark.
The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba
to help take up the off Read Joke | |
| Your
Daughter is Pregnant |
A mother took her daughter to the
doctor and asked him to give her an examination to
determine the cause of the daughter's Read Joke | |
| The Big
Flood |
It had been raining for days and days, and a
terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so
high that one man w Read Joke | |
| Imagine
that |
Can u believe what people do in the church these
days?
I was in the church listening tothe
priest's sermon when i saw a Read Joke | |
| Spaghetti |
A wealthy man was having an
affair with an Italian woman for a few
years.
One night, during one of their
rendezvous Read Joke | |
| Male
assertiveness |
A mild-mannered man was tired of being
bossed around by his wife so he went to a
psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he Read Joke | |
| My Rules |
Typical macho man married
typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid
down the following rules:
"I'll be h Read Joke | |
| Marriage
Lessons |
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during
the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account Read Joke | |
| Slide Under
The Table |
A man and a woman were having dinner in a
fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a
table a few paces awa Read Joke | |
| Second
Opinion |
A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And
you are no good Read Joke | |
| Money Talks! |
During the wedding
rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an
unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if
y Read Joke | |
| Memory
Class |
An elderly couple had been experiencing declining
memories, so they decided to take a power memory class
where one is taug Read Joke | |
| Soybeans |
While going through his wife's
dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and
an envelope containing $30 in cash. Read Joke | |
| Encyclopaedia Britannica |
Seen in my local paper's
"readers sales" section.
FOR SALE BY
OWNER
Complete set of encyclopaedia
Britannica.
4 Read Joke | |
| Social
Security |
A retired gentleman went to the social security
office to apply for Social Security.
The
woman behind the counter asked Read Joke | |
| So Much Fun |
A suspicious husband hired a
private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In
addition to a written report, the husba Read Joke | |
| Extra Office Work |
The boss came early in
the morning one day and found his manager kissing his
secretary.
He shouted at him, "Is this wha Read Joke | |
| Who Says Men Don't Remember
Anniversaries |
A woman awakes during the night to find
that her husband was not in their bed.
She
puts on her robe and goes downstairs Read Joke | |
| 0 to 200 in
6 seconds |
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding
anniversary. His wife was
really
pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I
Read Joke | |
| I Love
You |
English..... I Love You
Spanish..... Te
Amo
French...... Je T'aime
German...... Ich
Liebe Dich
Japanese.... Ai Shite
Read Joke | |
| Getting The Story Straight |
When a man in
Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young
boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it wi Read Joke | |
| Eucalyptus
Road |
Sue Ellen passed away so Billy Bob called 911. The
operator promised to send someone out immediately and
asked him where Read Joke | |
| It's the way you say it |
It's the way
you say it...
A University of Georgia student
was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the
holida Read Joke | |
| Redneck
Logic |
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going
anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to
get ahead.
The f Read Joke | |
| Redneck Jedi |
You know you're a
redneck jedi when..
You hear "Luke, I am
your father... and your uncle..."
You ever
said the p Read Joke | |
| Expensive
Fishing Trip |
Two redneck guys go on a fishing
trip.
They rent all the equipment: the reels,
the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat Read Joke | |
| Redneck Morals |
The out-of-state couple
are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny
hamlet.
The young wife, stunningly built,
d Read Joke | |
| Redneck At
The Bar |
A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon
when an elderly Irishman came in.
With
great difficulty, the Irishman hoi Read Joke | |
| Southern
Comments |
Exclamations:
"Well knock me
down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my
butt and call me a
biscuit."
Threats Read Joke | |
| Naming the Twins |
A man was taking his
wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when
his car went out of control and
crashed.
Read Joke | |
| You Must Be A Redneck If |
* You recycle
your own toilet paper
* Your mom has to
shave more times a month than your dad
*
You see a bill bo Read Joke | |
| Elevator Magic |
A hillbilly family took
a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his
son into a large building. They were ama Read Joke | |
| Clever Teacher |
A high school
English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses Read Joke | |
| Signs That
You're Broke |
At communion you go back for
seconds.
You think of a lottery ticket as an
investment.
You're formulating a plan to r Read Joke | |
| Feel Better |
Mary was having a tough
day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit
of what she thought to be well-deserved Read Joke | |
| Signs That
You're Broke |
At communion you go back for
seconds.
You think of a lottery ticket as an
investment.
You're formulating a plan to r Read Joke | |
| Feel Better |
Mary was having a tough
day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit
of what she thought to be well-deserved Read Joke | |
| 51 Ways to Annoy Everybody |
1)
Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter
which.
2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for
someone else e Read Joke | |
| Biting
Nails |
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands
over tea.
"I do wish that my Elmer would
stop biting his nails. He make Read Joke | |
| 101 Ways
To Annoy People |
1. Sing the Batman theme
incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your
checks, write "for sensual massage."
3.
S Read Joke | |
| Electric Train |
A few days after Christmas,
a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young
son playing with his new electric Read Joke | |
| Cannibal Food |
Two cannibals meet one
day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem
to get a tender missionary. I've baked ' Read Joke | |
| 10 commandments |
The Ten
Commandments display was recently removed from the
Alabama Supreme
Court building. There was a good
reason fo Read Joke | |
| Digital
clock |
Q: What did the digital clock say to his mother?
A: Look ma no hands! Read Joke | |
| Top ten tips to know if you have PMS |
10. Everyone around you has an attitude
problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to
your cheese omelet
8. The dryer Read Joke | |
| Top ten
least popular self help books |
10. "Lie Your Sweet Ass Off
And Become A Millionaire"
9. "Choking
Coaches For The Soul" by Latrell Sprewell
8.
" Read Joke | |
| The carburettor |
"The car won't start," aid
a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the
carburettor."
"How do you know?" said t Read Joke | |
| Two zebras
pondering |
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
"Am I black with white
stripes or white with black
stripes?" The other rep Read Joke | |
| Circumcision |
Two five year old boys are sitting in a
hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and
says, "What are you in here Read Joke | |
| Beautiful |
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from
anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his
side.
His e Read Joke | |
| Cremate
Me |
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and
said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you
will have my Read Joke | |
| Crazy Patients |
A doctor of psychology was
doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a
patient's room.
He found Patient #1 sittin Read Joke | |
| Labour Pains |
A married couple went to he
hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival,
the doctor said he had invented a n Read Joke | |
| Lethal Food |
A dietician was once
addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to have k Read Joke | |
| Mental Release |
A man who had been
in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have
improved to the point where it was thought he mi Read Joke | |
| Do You Have The Time |
A man is
strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers
an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his
watch h Read Joke | |
| Negotiations |
Then there's the woman who goes to the
dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she
grabs his balls.
The dent Read Joke | |
| Migraine Cure |
A man goes to the
doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When
the doctor does his history and physical, he disc Read Joke | |
| The Faith Healer |
Two women were sitting
in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on
their
various disorders.
"I want a baby
mor Read Joke | |
| Mix Up at
the Hospital |
This guy went to hospital for a circumcision,
but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete
sex change.
All of Read Joke | |
| Need
Samples |
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly
physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters
the examination room Read Joke | |
| Stuttering
Problem |
A guy walks into his doctor's office and says,
"Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm
tired of it. Ccc Read Joke | |
| All Out of Anaesthetic |
A dentist ran out of
anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was
scheduled.
He gave the nurse a very la Read Joke | |
| Knock Knock Jokes 3 |
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Alva!
Alva who?
Alva heart!
Knock Knock
Who's
there?
Alvin!
Alvin who!
Alvin a gre Read Joke | |
| Knock
Knock Jokes 2 |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aries!
Aries who?
Aries a reason why I
talk this way!
Knock Knock
Who's
there?
Arizo Read Joke | |
| Knock Knock Jokes 16 |
Knock
Knock
Who's there?
Abbott!
Abbott
who?
Abbott time you answered the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Read Joke | |
| Men Should Listen |
A man is driving up a
steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down
the same road. As they pass each other the woma Read Joke | |
| Marriage
Quotes By Men |
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know
her first name was Always.
It's not true that
married men live longer than sin Read Joke | |
| Majorly Busted |
Every Saturday
morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and
eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36
holes.
Read Joke | |
| Looking Good |
While her husband
was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. "You know,
honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses Read Joke | |
| Male Bashing |
Q. What did God say
after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better
than that.
Q. How do you get a man to do
s Read Joke | |
| Just Like Dad |
The bride, upon her
engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a
man just like father!"
Her mother replied, " Read Joke | |
| Nothing Works |
I was enjoying the second
week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed
the first week: by doing as little as pos Read Joke | |
| Two
Cannibals |
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected
by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They
walked deep into the j Read Joke | |
| Husband's
Great Gift |
A married couple was in a terrible accident
where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor
told the husband that t Read Joke | |
| Things
Only Women Understand |
10. Cats' facial
expressions
9. The need for the same style of
shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts
ar Read Joke | |
| Factory Workers |
In a small town in
the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only
married men.
Concerned about this, a local Read Joke | |
| Needs |
Husband and wife are getting
all snugly in bed. The passion is heating
up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don'
Read Joke | |
| NY Times Ad |
Ad seen in the New
York Times...
FOR SALE BY
OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45
volumes. Excellent Read Joke | |
| New Women's Study |
There is a new study
out about women. I thought these results were pretty
interesting.
85% of women think their ass
Read Joke | |
| New Relationship Book |
"My wife suggested
a book for me to read to enhance
our
relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from
Venus, Men are W Read Joke | |
| Writers Quotes |
The difference between
fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Tom
Clancy
I never know what I think about
Read Joke | |
| Work quotes |
The reason why worry kills
more people than work is that more people worry than
work.
Robert Frost
The easiest job in Read Joke | |
| Women Quotes |
Whatever women do
they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as
good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Read Joke | |
| Wisdom
Quotes |
Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take
the one I've never tried.
Mae
West
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom
list Read Joke | |
| Politics Quotes |
A good politician is quite
as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
H. L.
Mencken
Run for office? No. I've slept with
Read Joke | |
| Money
Quotes |
Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in
touch with your children.
J. Paul
Getty
A man explained inflation to h Read Joke | |
| Men Quotes |
Why did God create men?
Because vibrators can't mow the
lawn.
Madonna
All men are not
homeless, but some men are h Read Joke | |
| Marriage Quotes |
My wife and I were happy
for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney
Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife
flowers for Read Joke | |
| Marriage Quotes |
My wife and I were
happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney
Dangerfield
When a man brings his wife
flowers for Read Joke | |
| Love Quotes |
I recently read that love is
entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife
treats me like toxic waste.
David
Read Joke | |
| Life Quotes |
To solve the human equation,
we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and
divide between truth and error.
Janet Read Joke | |
| Children Quotes |
The first half of our life is
ruined by our parents and the second half by our
children.
Clarence Darrow
Kids.
The Read Joke | |
| Age
Quotes |
I'm so old they've cancelled my blood
type.
Bob Hope
As you get older three
things happen. The first is your memory go Read Joke | |
| Revenge Is Sweet |
There once was
an old couple who had been married for thirty
years.
Every morning the old boy would
wake up and giv Read Joke | |
| Farts With Lumps |
The teacher asked little
Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a
sentence.
Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do
f Read Joke | |
| Farting All The Time |
Doctor, "What seems
to be the problem?"
Patient, "Doc, I've got
the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The
Doct Read Joke | |
| Bathtime fun |
A man worked hard all
day digging the garden and felt very stiff and
sore.
His wife fluttered about him, pleased
wi Read Joke | |
| The Tiger |
A couple was on their
honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the hu Read Joke | |
| Last Day on the Job |
It was the
mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the mail through all kinds of weather to the same
Read Joke | |
| Church
Bells |
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just
passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's
house to visit her Read Joke | |
| Birthday
Present |
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club
for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and
the doorman says, "Hey Read Joke | |
| The bride tells her husband |
The
bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin
and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you
explain it to Read Joke | |
| Poor guy |
A man escapes from
prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a
house to look for money and guns and finds a yo Read Joke | |
| Girls night out |
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night
Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the
cocktails. Incredibl Read Joke | |
| Extremely Drunk |
A man, whose level of
drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to
leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"May Read Joke | |
| Can I Smell Something |
A guy goes into a
bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a
few drinks he musters the courage to talk to Read Joke | |
| All Lawyers
are Assholes |
A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All
lawyers are assholes."
Another guy stands
up and says "Hey...I resent that..." Read Joke | |
| 5 Stages of Being Drunk |
Stage 1 -
SMART
This is when you suddenly become
an expert on every subject in the known Universe.
You know eve Read Joke | |
| $1000 Competition |
The local bar was so
sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that
they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The
Read Joke | |
| Alcoholic Side Effects |
The FDA is
considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol
bottles, such as:
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol ma Read Joke | |
| All You Can Drink |
A man walks into
a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. He
swigs down the beer, looks in his pocket, cringes a Read Joke | |
| A Round
For The House |
A drunk walks into a bar and says,
"Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour
yourself one, and give me the bill. Read Joke | |
| What You Got |
A man goes into a bar
and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender
looks at him and says, "What'll it be
buddy?"
Read Joke | |
| Beer Festival |
After the Great Britain
Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Read Joke | |
| Deaf Men in a Bar |
A man was sitting in a
bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He
also noticed that the bartender was using Read Joke | |
| Best
Reasons to Allow Drinking on the Job |
1. It's an incentive
to show up.
2. It reduces
stress.
3. It leads to more honest
communications.
4. It reduc Read Joke | |
| Deadbeat in a Bar |
A man walked into a bar
on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the
bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, a Read Joke | |
| Evils of
Liquor |
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his fifth
grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he
produced an exper Read Joke | |
| Finding
The Car |
A drunken man was wondering around the
parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs
of the cars.
The mana Read Joke | |
| Stages of
Drunkeness |
0 - Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an
army bayonet.
1 - Still sober. Pleasure senses
activated. Feeling of well-be Read Joke | |
| Pirate's Misfortunes |
A pirate was talking to
a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like
any self-respecting pirate, this guy Read Joke | |
| State Of
The Art Watch |
A rather confident man walks into a bar
and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives
her a quick glance, the Read Joke | |
| Spent Paycheck |
Wife: Okay, today's
Friday. Where's your pay envelope?
Man: I
already spent all my pay. I bought something for the
Read Joke | |
| Sotally Tober |
Starkle starkle little
twink
who the hell you are I think
I'm not
under what you call
the alcofluence of
incohol
I Read Joke | |
| Signs That You are Too Drunk |
You lose
arguments with inanimate objects.
You have
to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Y Read Joke | |
| Presents
for the Wife |
Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker
were sitting in a bar talking over a few
drinks.
After a sip of his Martini, Read Joke | |
| Speech
Impediment |
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few
pints down at the local bar, when one said to the
other:
"If I ask you a ques Read Joke | |
| I Thought You Were My Wife |
A completely
inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for
some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked Read Joke | |
| Selling the Wife |
A drunk walked into
a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him
what happened.
"I did a terrible thing,"
Read Joke | |
| The Buffalo
Theory |
The "Buffolo Theory" of Beer..
A
herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest
buffalo. When the herd is hunted, Read Joke | |
| Proud Texan Father |
A Texan bought a
round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had
just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighi Read Joke | |
| Vampires in a Bar |
It's Halloween
and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is
working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outs Read Joke | |
| A Chick With Long Legs |
A man
walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he
sits, the bartender asks for their order.
The
man s Read Joke | |
| Glad to be drunk |
A completely
inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one
foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pull Read Joke | |
| 10 Ways to
Know You've Had Good Sex |
1. Your mattress has turned
into a giant sponge.
2. It takes five minutes
to unknot your bodies.
3. An earthquake of Read Joke | |
| First Visit |
The young blonde bride made
her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that
she and her husband wished to star Read Joke | |
| Popular
guy |
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in
each hand and adozen donuts. Read Joke | |
| Low Sperm
Count |
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to
get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and
said, "Take this jar Read Joke | |
| God's Gifts |
Seems God was just about
done creating the universe, but he had two things left in
his bag of creations, so he decided to Read Joke | |
| Grass Sandwich |
At a local college dance, a
guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to
dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her Read Joke | |
| Genius
Boyfriend |
A worried father confronted his daughter one
night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and
common and bloody stu Read Joke | |
| Making Love to a Woman |
MAKING
COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love
to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to
take Read Joke | |
| Excuse Me, Your Fly Is Unzipped |
1.
"The cucumber has left the salad."
2.
"Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is
hanging out."
3. Read Joke | |
| Hypothetically Speaking |
A little boy
goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference
between hypothetical and reality?"
The
fa Read Joke | |
| First Thing to do after Jail |
Bad Bernie was
in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and
son were there to pick him up. He came through Read Joke | |
| Math
Lesson |
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.
It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you
are 54 years old and Read Joke | |
| Crowded
Subway |
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour,
and many people were forced to stand. One particularly
cramped woman turned t Read Joke | |
| Knickerless |
Joe is sitting on a train across
from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini
skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to s Read Joke | |
| Gold Medalist |
Three women were sitting
around talking about their sex lives.
The first
said, "I think my husband's like a championsh Read Joke | |
| Home from
the Air Force |
A guy who was in the Air Force had just
spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The
first night he got home, he Read Joke | |
| Loving on
the Lawn |
A man was walking one day, when he came to
this big house in a nice neighbourhood.
Suddenly he realised there was a co Read Joke | |
| Off to Vegas |
A man came home
from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with
her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do
Read Joke | |
| Daughters
are curious~~~ |
A little girl walks into her parents'
bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's
nakedness.
Immediately, she Read Joke | |
| Newly wed couple |
this newly wed
couple were on there honey moon and where about to
have sex:
wife: before we do this i have
somethin Read Joke | |
| Tricked
Him |
One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to
play with her friends.
She goes to the park
and meets a boy. Th Read Joke | |
| Speeding |
A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a
blonde police officer pulled her over for
speeding.
Officer: May i s Read Joke | |
| 16 years
later |
One day there was a pregnant women who was
about to go into labor with 3 children.
Her
husband didn't want to be any pa Read Joke | |
| is it michael jackson |
little boy :
mummy is god a girl or a boy?
mummy:
why god is both girl and boy
little boy:
mummy is god black or Read Joke | |
| what
women would do if they had a penis for a day |
10. Get
ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a
blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating
about beating t Read Joke | |
| what men
would do if they had a vagina for a day |
10. Immediately
go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9.
Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a
half.
Read Joke | |
| The perfect day |
The Perfect Day -
Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and
kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30
Light Breakfast
11:00 Read Joke | |
| Making Love To... |
How can you tell if
you're making love to a teacher,a nurse or an airline
stewardess?
A teacher says we got to do thi Read Joke | |
| Dead Pussy |
An old maid wanted to
travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her
cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered Read Joke | |
| Birds and
Bees |
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her
family when her daughter walks
in.
“Mother, where do babies come
Read Joke | |
| Cheap
lawyer |
A local Prudential office realized that the
organization had never received a donation from the
town's most successful law Read Joke | |
| "Tickets
Please!" |
One day, three lawyers each purchased a. Next
in line were three engineers who purchased only one train
ticket. Confused, Read Joke | |
| Lawyer
Hunting |
Rules for hunting lawyers
Washington
state attorney season and bag limits
--------
----------------------------------- Read Joke | |
| Stop or Slow Down |
A lawyer runs a stop
sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriffs Deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy
Read Joke | |
| Mob
Godfather |
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his
bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His
bookkeeper is deaf.
That Read Joke | |
| "MY ROLEX!" |
A very successful
lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office,
ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he Read Joke | |
| Freedom Cost Him An Arm |
A lawyer
defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative
defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm
into Read Joke | |
| The Kind
Lawyer |
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the
back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass
by the road side. Read Joke | |
| Do You
Know Me? |
A small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly,
elderly woman. He a Read Joke | |
| Smartest
Man in the World |
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a
priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small
private plane. Suddenly, t Read Joke | |
| Lawyer In Hell |
A lawyer died and was
delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending
eternity here, but I'll let you pick your ow Read Joke | |
| Three Wishes |
A man walking on the beach
came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to
ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to Read Joke | |
| Bribing the juror |
Murphy, a dishonest
lawyer, bribed a man on his client's jury to hold out for a
charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the Read Joke | |
| Screwed |
A man walks into a bar and sees
a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to
her and says, "Hi there, how’s i Read Joke | |
| Lawyer's Brain |
A man went to a brain
store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign
remarking on the quality of professional brain of Read Joke | |
| Can We
Sue? |
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked,
"Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing
people to g Read Joke | |
| The Lawyer
Genie |
A young man, shipwrecked on a small, deserted
island, found an old oil lamp sticking out of the sand. He
picked it up, and Read Joke | |
| ANYONE FOR A CIGAR? |
A defendant
in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to
his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be
ruined Read Joke | |
| Two Fleas |
Two fleas had an
arrangement to meet every summer in Miami for a
vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's
Read Joke | |
| Randy the Rooster |
This farmer has
about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So
he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks Read Joke | |
| The Union Workers Dog's |
Four union
workers were discussing how smart their dogs were.
The first man was a United Auto Worker
who said his Read Joke | |
| I called mine
Sex |
Everybody who has a dog calls him either Rover or
Boy. I called mine Sex. Now Sex is a very embarassing
name.
One day Read Joke | |
| Somebody's Gonna Get |
Marilyn had a
parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her
whenever she came into the apartment with a man.
Read Joke | |
| Harry The Eagle |
Well one day Harry
the eagle waited at the nest for Mary his darling of 10
glorious years. After a while when she didn't r Read Joke | |
| Two Parrots |
A lady approaches her priest
and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female
parrots, but they only know how t Read Joke | |
| Talking Monkey |
A police officer came upon
a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been
killed. As he looked upon the wreckage Read Joke | |
| Brutus |
Mrs.
Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a
repairman. He couldn't accommodate her with an evening
appo Read Joke | |
| Talking
Dog |
A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way
through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what
money his parent Read Joke | |
| 'Where's Lulu?' |
A little girl asks her mum,
'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is Read Joke | |
| Artificial Insemination |
A man buys several
sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several
weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are gettin Read Joke | |
| The Snails |
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all
the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The
wife was very e Read Joke | |
| Snoring |
A
couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't
sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The
v Read Joke | |
| Seeing Eye
Dog |
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had
a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they
sauntered down the s Read Joke | |
| The Penguin |
A penguin walks into an auto
repair shop, his car is parked outside and there's smoke
coming out from under the hood. "Hey Read Joke | |
| A WHALE OF A TALE |
A male whale
and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan,
when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale
Read Joke | |
| New Rooster |
An old farmer decided it was
time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster
was still doing an okay job, but Read Joke | |
| The Centipede |
A man goes into a pet shop
and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do
everything.
The shop owner sugge Read Joke | |
| Three Bears |
Baby Bear goes downstairs and
sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his
small bowl. It is empty. "Who's b Read Joke | |
| Dead Rabbit |
One afternoon while doing
some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging
something under the fence. Upon inspection, to Read Joke | |
| Lion Tamer |
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going
to become a lion tamer."
The other replies,
"That's crazy, you do Read Joke | |
| A man
absolutely hated his wife's cat |
A man absolutely hated
his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by
driving him 20 blocks from his home and lea Read Joke | |
| Story About Getting Even..... |
Story about
Getting Even..........
One December day we
found an old straggly cat at our door.
She
was a sorry si Read Joke | |
| The Magician and the Parrot |
A magician
was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The
audience would be different each week, so the magician
a Read Joke | |
| The Parrot from a Whorehouse |
A woman
wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked
at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parro Read Joke | |
| The Cristmas Parrot |
A few days before
Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique
gift for his wife.
The store manager tells h Read Joke | |
| Talking Dog For Sale |
This guy sees a sign
in front of a house: "Talking Dog for sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the
do Read Joke | |
| Talented
Dog |
A local business was looking for office help. They
put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP
WANTED. Must be Read Joke | |
| An Unusual Vet |
There was once an aspiring
veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school
working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon Read Joke | |
| Genius Dog |
A butcher is busy at work when notices a dog in his shop.
He shoos the dog away. Later, he notices the dog is back
again. Read Joke | |
| 25 Things
Cat Lovers Know |
Here is a list of 25 things that cat-lovers
know, but won't admit.
- An aquarium is just
interactive television for cats. Read Joke | |
| Cat in Heaven |
The Scene: The Pearly Gates
to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat
shows up.
St Peter says "I kn Read Joke | |
| The Bear and the Rabbit |
A bear is sitting in
the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and
feeling dam good about it.
He look Read Joke | |
| Blonde
Texan City Girl |
One morning, on his way out to check on
the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-
insemination man is coming over Read Joke | |
| Still Blonde |
Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors
house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she was
mad at the world. Read Joke | |
| Blonde
Cowboy |
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the
street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk
with nothing on but his Read Joke | |
| Blonde
Breathalyzer Test |
"I've pulled you over for speeding,
Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"
"What's a license???" replied the blonde Read Joke | |
| Only three
doors |
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde
stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in
another city. Upon Read Joke | |
| Blonde in a
Snowstorm |
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the
point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde
got off work at Wal Read Joke | |
| Blondes do their best |
A bartender is
sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door
bursts open and in comes four exuberant blondes. The Read Joke | |
| A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire |
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far -
$500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question wi Read Joke | |
| The Blonde
Deputy |
A local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a
blonde went in to try out for the job.
After a
series of questions that Read Joke | |
| I'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm Going
To New York... |
On a plane bound for New York the flight
attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class
section and requested sh Read Joke | |
| The Dumb Husband |
Three business
men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how
stupid their wives were.
The first says, "I tell Read Joke | |
| Adult Video |
A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild.
Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent
her fir Read Joke | |
| JIGSAW PUZZLE |
A blonde calls her
boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I
have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figu Read Joke | |
| 25 Gallons of Milk |
A blonde heard
that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note
for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When Read Joke | |
| Blind Man Telling Blonde Joke |
A blind man
and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a
barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a Read Joke | |
| Only three doors |
An airline captain was
breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were
flying had a layover in another city. Upon Read Joke | |
| First Class
Blonde |
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde
woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open
seat in the first cla Read Joke | |
| The Blonde Prositute |
An blonde prositute
had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her
Father cussed her.
"Where have ye been all Read Joke | |
| Death in the family |
One day, a
blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the
blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde
Read Joke | |
| Three
Blonde Cops |
A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who
were training to become detectives. To test their skills in
recognizing a suspect, Read Joke | |
| Bodybuilder |
A bodybuilder takes off
his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a Great Chest you
have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of Read Joke | |
| Blonde guy... |
There was a Irishman,
Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers
and they were working on top of a building. Read Joke | |
| Blonde
Painting |
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning
salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one
of the rich neighborhoods Read Joke | |
| Because I'm Blonde? |
A girl came
skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids Read Joke | |
| A Blonde For Ever |
There was a blonde who
was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided
to dye her hair brown. She then went for Read Joke | |
| Blonde Police Officer |
A blonde was
speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police
cruiser pulled her over and walked up to the car. The Read Joke | |
| Blonde
Coffee |
A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first
task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do
well her first day on t Read Joke | |
| Blonde
exam |
A blonde reports for her university final exam. The
exam consists mainly of true or false questions.
She takes her sea Read Joke | |
| Rolls Royce |
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for
the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on
business for Read Joke | |
| Blonde The Builder |
Two blonde chicks were
building a house together. One blonde was cutting the
wood and the other was on a ladder nailing. B Read Joke | |
| Who Is Better |
Jesus and Satan were having
an on-going argument about who was better on the
computer. They had been going at it for days, Read Joke | |
| Letter To Bill
Gates? |
Hi There Mr. Bill Gates,
We have
bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring Read Joke | |
| Abbot and
Costello: Computer Shopping |
ABBOT: Ultimate Super
Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home
office in the Read Joke | |
| Dear Tech Support: |
Last year I upgraded
from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected changes to Read Joke | |
| For Immediate Release |
Dear Microsoft
Consumers:
It has come to our attention
that a few copies of the WINDOWS XP TEXAS EDITION
may have Read Joke | |
| An Airliner |
At a recent software engineering
management course in the US, the participants were given
an awkward question to answer.
Read Joke | |
| The Computer and The Husband and
Wife? |
> A wife was helping her husband set up his
computer, and at the appropriate
> point in the
process, told him that he wou Read Joke | |
| Janitor or
Millionaire |
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job
with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for
him to take an aptit Read Joke | |
| Bill Gates
picks his own punishment |
Satan greets him: "Welcome
Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your
home for all eternity. You've been sel Read Joke | |
| A tech get's drafted! |
One of Microsoft
Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army
and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he Read Joke | |
| Husband 1.0 |
HUSBAND 1.0 There are a lot
of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband
1.0. However before doing so make sure y Read Joke | |
| Microsoft TV
Dinner |
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing
so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV
dinners. You Read Joke | |
| The Trouble With Email |
It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused,
sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider Read Joke | |
| Murphy's
Laws of Computing |
When computing, whatever happens,
behave as though you meant it to happen.
When you get to the point where you really Read Joke | |
| Bill Gates Meets His Match |
The
following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was
moving into his new house...
Bill: "There are
a few iss Read Joke | |
| KEYBOARD COMPLAINT |
I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I
BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING
A CAPITOL LETTER KEY.
THE TECH
SUPPORT G Read Joke | |
| Switched Inputs |
For a computer
programming class, I sat directly across from someone,
and our computers were facing away from each other. Read Joke | |
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